This is how a heart breaks.

This is how a heart breaks.

I’m sorry I’ve been away from my blog for a bit.

I was in teacher training for Haute Barre, then getting ready to head to St. John for my sister’s wedding. It’s been absolutely crazy the last few weeks. But, I’m working on getting back to some normalcy.

During my vacation I boarded my two dogs. My cats were being cared for my a pet sitter, who was a referral from my vet. If you know me, you know my animals are my everything. They are my kids, my loves, literally my everything. All of them are rescues and may not be here today if I didn’t have them in my care. I love them with my entire heart.

My first day on vacation I received a call from my vet. They had my precious Monster cat in their care. He had been given too much insulin (he’s diabetic) and was in a coma. He needed to be rushed to emergency care once he was stabilized.

My Monster is my babe. He’s my husband’s little buddy. He’s probably the best cat ever (don’t tell the others). I had to bottle feed him because he was found abandoned by his momma and wouldn’t survive without extra care. I took him in and loved him with all I had. He was special. He would meow when I would sneeze, meow when I yelled at Chad, race to his food bowl nearly tripping me, he would beat up on my other cats when it was feeding time or when I filled his water dish with purified water (he wouldn’t drink tap water). He was always on my lap or my husband’s lap (mostly my husband’s). I would give my husband the evil eye when Monster would cuddle up and reach for his face to touch him. I was the one that bottle fed him and cared for him, yet he always gravitated toward my husband. I still loved him with my whole entire heart.

He spent several days in the ICU at the emergency veterinary care center. I was updated several times a day with how he was doing. Some doctors were optimistic, others were guarded. I just wanted him to get better. My best friend would go visit him and play voicemails for him that my husband and I left. He would lick her tears away, but wasn’t aware of what was going on around him. My sister went to visit him as well. I just wanted him to hear familiar voices until I could get to him. He was improving slightly day to day, but was never able to get up, eat or drink. I finally made it home to him early Tuesday morning around 1am. My husband and I went straight to him from the airport. I hoped he would perk up when he heard us. I hoped he would recognize the smell of his blankie that I had for him. He was not responsive to us at all. He went into a seizure while we were there. It was terribly sad to see. We knew we had a difficult decision to make.

I can’t even believe he was so little at one time. My lil peanut.

baby monster

 

The next day we went back and spent almost five hours with him. We loved him up, holding and hugging and promising him ice cream and salmon if he would get better. He had more movement that day, but mostly because his little brain was triggering him to paddle his legs. He would move his head when we would scratch his chin and top of his head. He still wasn’t the Monster we knew. He suffered so much brain damage that we didn’t know if he would ever recover. This may be the best he would get; feeding tube, catheter and paddling of the legs. We were given the option to take him home and see if he would recover in time. The chances were slim and he couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom. We didn’t think it would be fair to our little Monster to have him in this state for what could be months. We made the decision to let him go.

My sister, Jessica, made this collage for me. Thanks, Jessica!

monster collage

I am absolutely heartbroken. I feel like a piece of me is gone. I keep asking myself if we did the right thing. The vet said she would have done the same. I know he was in the absolute best care he could have. I’m glad that my husband and I were able to spend a bit of time with him to tell him how much he meant to us and that we loved him with our whole hearts. We gave him lots of kisses and love before we said goodbye.

I’m very thankful for my family and my best friend for helping me get through this. Thank you to my best friend, Christine for visiting him and loving up on him. Thank you to my sister, Joni for also visiting him and letting him know he was loved. Thanks to both of them for getting my car and his special blankie to the vet so that we could get to him as soon as we landed. Thank you to my family for the flowers, card, messages, videos, pictures and love. Thank you to my friends for all the texts and messages. Thank you to my husband, for understanding my love for my animals and for loving them right along with me.

flowers

So hug your pets today and everyday. Give them lots of love because you never know when you will have to say goodbye.

xoxo,

Jeanna

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